The Triangle of
Self-Obsession
When we are born we are conscious only
of ourselves, we are the universe. We per-
ceive little other than our basic needs, and if
these needs are met we are content. As our
consciousness expands we become aware
of a world outside ourselves. We discover
that there are people, places, and things
around us, and that they fulfill our needs. At
this point we also begin to recognize differ-
ences and develop preferences. We learn
to want and choose. We are the center of
a growing universe and expect to be pro-
vided with the things we need and want.
Our source of contentment shifts from basic
needs miraculously met to the fulfillment of
our desires.
Most children, through experiences over
a period of time, come to realize that the
outside world cannot provide all their wants
and needs. They begin to supplement what
is given to them with their own efforts. As
their dependency on people, places, and
things decreases they begin to look to them-
selves more and more. They become more
self-sufficient and learn that happiness and
contentment come from within. Most con-
tinue to mature; they recognize and accept
their strengths, weaknesses, and limita-
tions. At some point, they usually seek the
help of a Power greater than themselves to
provide the things they cannot provide for
themselves. For most people, growing up is
a natural process.
As addicts, however, we seem to falter
along the way. We never seem to outgrow
the self-centeredness of the child. We never
seem to find the self-sufficiency that others
do. We continue to depend on the world
around us and refuse to accept that we will
not be given everything. We become self-
obsessed; our wants and needs become
demands. We reach a point where content-
ment and fulfillment are impossible. People,
places, and things cannot possibly fill the
emptiness inside of us, and we react to them
with resentment, anger, and fear.
Resentment, anger, and fear make up the
triangle of self-obsession. All of our defects
of character are forms of these three reac-
tions. Self-obsession is at the heart of our
insanity.
Resentment is the way most of us react
to our past. It is the reliving of past expe-
riences, again and again in our minds.
Anger is the way most of us deal with the
present. It is our reaction to and denial of
reality. Fear is what we feel when we think
about the future. It is our response to the
unknown; a fantasy in reverse. All three
of these things are expressions of our self-
obsession. They are the way that we react
when people, places, and things (past,
present, and future) do not live up to our
demands.
In Narcotics Anonymous we are given a
new way of life and a new set of tools. These
are the Twelve Steps, and we work them to
the best of our ability. If we stay clean, and
can learn to practice these principles in
all our affairs, a miracle happens. We find
freedom—from drugs, from our addiction,
and from our self-obsession. Resentment is
replaced with acceptance; anger is replaced
with love; and fear is replaced with faith.
We have a disease that, in the end, forces
us to seek help. We are fortunate that we are
given only one choice; one last chance. We
must break the triangle of self-obsession; we
must grow up, or die.
The way we react to people, places, and
things:
| Negative | | Positive |
| Resentment | Past | Acceptance |
| Anger | Present | Love |
| Fear | Future | Faith |